Occasionally, you might run into people who don’t want to hear you say “Merry Christmas.” By “occasionally,” I mean pretty much every stinkin’ day. There will always be people who get bent because A) it’s not their holiday, or B) it might be their holiday, but they don’t want to offend people who don’t celebrate the holiday.

The people in the “B” category are the ones who annoy me the most.

Well, I always want to be considerate of other people’s feelings, as dumb as they may be. So I’ve decided to never say “Happy Birthday” to anyone from  now on. Because you never know – while I’m saying “Happy Birthday” to someone, someone else might be in the room and it might not be that person’s birthday, and that might cause them to feel bad. I never want to cause people to feel bad, no matter how dumb the reason.

So for birthday greetings from now on, I’m going to say something meaningless and generic like “Have a nice day,” or “Greetings,” or maybe “Happy Generic Celebration, for Whatever It Is You Might Be Celebrating Today, if In Fact You Are Celebrating.” I think that last one especially has some zing to it.

MERRY CHRISTMAS MERRY CHRISTMAS MERRY CHRISTMAS MERRY CHRISTMAS MERRY CHRISTMAS MERRY CHRISTMAS MERRY CHRISTMAS MERRY CHRISTMAS MERRY CHRISTMAS MERRY CHRISTMAS MERRY CHRISTMAS MERRY CHRISTMAS MERRY CHRISTMAS MERRY CHRISTMAS MERRY CHRISTMAS MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!