I was going to write something called “In a Perfect World,” and list some thing that would be true if this were a perfect world. However, if I want to be honest to my beliefs, having a perfect world would bring all kinds of theological implications, including the absence of sin and a lot of other stuff.

Not wanting to get that serious tonight, I’m writing “In a Better World.” That way, I can still rant and complain (which I’m very gifted at), and list things that would be different if the world were better:

1.  When Paris Hilton gets out of jail in a few weeks, no one will care enough to interview her.

2.  President Bush would go back to the way he was just after 9-11. In the past few years, he’s gotten a little nutty.

3.  Teenage daughters would live in high towers with locked doors (or, dungeons could be another option).

4.  One of the news networks, like CNN maybe, would use the Donkey from Shrek as a news anchor. THAT would be a newscast I’d never miss.

5.  You could find a haircut you like, get it done, and take a pill so it would stay that way forever.

6.  The new Taylor DN8 guitar would cost the same as whatever plastic fake-wood guitar Costco is selling.

7.  I could go back and redo a handful of decisions I’ve made over the past five years.

8.  There would be restaurants that sold only coffee and brown sugar cinnamon Pop Tarts.

9.  Coffee places would have to give you a discount, based on how many questions they ask you.

10. People in churches would realize they’re not there for themselves, and would knock themselves out for their communities.

11.  I’d be able to stay awake here long enough to write something funnier. Sorry, but it’s almost 1am.