My daughter, The Lovely Miss Courtney, really likes weather. Ever since she was very
young, she liked it when we scrolled past The Weather Channel, and she thought it was cool to see what the weather was like in other places. Plus, when I say she likes weather, I mean she likes “weather.” Although we live in Southern Calif (which is the same thing as Southern California for those who may have thought “Calif” was actually a different place), and it is often sunny here, I have to say no one appreciates a good rainstorm more than Courtney.
So this afternoon, I began thinking about what it would be like if Courtney were the weatherman. Before I make this list, don’t bug me about writing “weatherman” instead of meteorologist or weather person or any of that other PC stuff. If someone, male or female, tells you the weather on the news, that person is a weatherman because that’s the way it’s always been.
If Courtney Were the Weatherman…
“Sunshine, Lollypops and Rainbows” would be an actual scientific description of tomorrow’s forecast;
“75% Chance of Rain” would sound more like “75% Chance of Rain – Whoo hoo;”
“Record High Temperatures” would sound more like “It’s Like a Billion Degrees Out There,” or “It feels like we just moved to the sun;”
On windy days, for dramatic effect, she would deliver her forecast leaning in a 45-degree position, indicating how strong the wind is;
On rainy days, she would either call in her forecast from home, or bring in a substitute weatherman, because she would be at home wrapped in a blanket;
She wouldn’t say stupid things like “How will tomorrow’s storm affect your morning commute? Find out at 11,” and instead she’d say things like “You should know by now that people drive like idiots in the rain, so plan for it. I personally will be staying home with a blanket.”
**Note – the above post was written with The Lovely Miss Courtney’s permission.