This week, the new hands-free law goes into effect in California. If you’re using your cell phone in the car, you have to do it via a hands-free device. For most people, that means getting one of those pieces of plastic known as a “bluetooth,” which you wear on your ear and whicih makes you look like you’re crazy and talking to yourself.

I gotta tell you, even though a number of people I really like use these things, they just make you look goofy. I’m only going to use mine in the car. I’m not going to walk around with it on my ear, looking like I’m talking to myself. A lot of people already think I’m crazy; this will only add to the problem.

Anyway, at least now I’ll be safe when I talk on the phone, according to the State of California. Before, my life was apparently at great risk – now, not so much. So when I drive and talk on the phone and eat a hamburger and adjust the radio all at the same time, I should be fine, as long as I use this thing. For all that security, appearing crazy seems like a small price to pay.