Sometimes after people go to church, they say things like, “Boy, that message was aimed right at me,” or “That one really hit me today,” or stuff like that.
I hardly ever say that or feel that way, probably for several reasons…
1. Usually I’ve been the one on the teaching/leading end of things; i.e., the one “hitting people.”
2. As much as I hate to say it, I’m a little hard to break through at church. I’m kind of skeptical, I tend to over think everything, and I’ve done so much “professional church work” in my life, that I’m usually not so much listening to what’s being said, as much as thinking about the mechanics of how the guy is saying it. Notice, I’m not saying this condition of mine is a good thing, it’s just the way it is.
Anyway, I’ve gone to Mosaic the past few Sundays, and I’ve had two of those “really hit me” times. Which is wierd, because the past two Sundays at Mosaic, I haven’t really enjoyed it all that much. (Which is also wierd, because usually I like it).
Two weeks ago, I went to the Beverly Hills site, and thought the music really stunk and everyone seemed so much hipper and wealthier and younger than me (which was probably true). So after sitting there with a bad attitude for the whole first part, Erwin McManus eventually came to the stage, sat down and said some stuff that was really hard to hear, but really true and applicable to me at this moment.
Then last night, I went to the Downtown site. Last night was the Emmy Awards, which were a few blocks away from the Mosaic site, which meant traffic was a drag. Then the band, which is usually good on Sunday nights, stunk and the sound mix was bad. Then, Erwin didn’t even show up because he was at the Emmies (I’m not sure why he was there, but it really ticked me off). So we had to hear one of the other pastors, who I disliked immediately. He was trying too hard to be funny, and really getting on my nerves, which isn’t hard to do when I have a bad attitude to start with.
Then he finally got to the end of his thing and that’s when he got me. I left feeling like crap, but feeling like someone had told me the truth.
There is a lot of crazy, life-changing stuff going on for me right now. It’s very hard. Only a few very close friends and family know anything. Soon, it’ll be time to lift the lid and share stuff with other friends. And I’m sure they’ll be great. But in this time, which is by far the hardest time I’ve ever gone through, God is still speaking. It doesn’t make the stuff resolve itself any sooner, but at least it’s good to know he hasn’t gone anywhere.
Now if he could just find a way to speak with less traffic congestion and better music (Ha, just kidding. He can do whatever he wants. He always does anyway).
I’m so sorry this is such a hard time. It’s not always easy to see or hear God in the thick of things. Am so grateful you hear His voice, even if what you hear isn’t always easy. He really is with you (and He’s even thrown in some goofy friends to share the journey with you!) Better days ARE coming, my Brotha! XO
I’m sad about you going through a hard time. But I think i am glad church is smacking you around?