A few weeks ago, cruises that normally departed from Long Beach and then went to various places in Mexico were changed – due to the swine flue thing – and passengers were instead taken north to Santa Barbara and San Francisco.

Both of those places are nice, but I’m thinking if you wanted to go to the Mexican Riviera because of all the sun and beaches and stuff, a cruise through San Francisco in the fog and freezing temperature isn’t going to be a very good substitute.

Then, as of the past two days, there have been massive wildfires burning out of control in Santa Barbara. So far I haven’t heard what the ships are going to do, but I’m thinking this may affect them because no one wants to pay good money for a cruise to Mexico, have it diverted to Santa Barbara, and then get there and suck a bunch of smoke into their lungs.

So what does this all mean? Only one thing, my friends, and you’ve no doubt guessed it from the title… God is punishing cruise ships.

Why would God do such a thing? For the gambling, or partying, or excessive drinking, or the people wearing shorts who really shouldn’t be wearing shorts? No – as much as those things may bother some people, all of those things happen elsewhere, and God hasn’t sent any plagues of disease or called down fire from heaven in those situations.

I’m convinced God is punishing cruise ships for the onboard entertainment. If you’ve ever watched “American Idol,” you’ve probably noticed that Simon (the only honest, coherent judge) occasionally refers to a contestant as a “cruise ship singer.” In case you didn’t know, this isn’t a compliment. He’s saying that while the singer may certainly be able to hit the notes and get through the song, the performance is kind of yawn-worthy.

But this kind of quality is usually OK for singers on cruise ships, because at night after you’ve eaten yourself silly and climbed climbing walls and shot guns from the deck and and had too much sun and played slot machines,  you’re really OK with sitting in a large Vegas-type room listening to an OK singer, because basically, you’re wiped out anyway,  but your room is too small to hang out in, so why not just go hear the OK singer.

I’m hoping that the various cruise lines that have experienced this wrath from Heaven will take note, and repent of their schmaltzy entertainment, and make some changes.

I’ve been on a cruise before, and probably wouldn’t rush to do it again, UNLESS the cruise lines offered an “Eric Clapton Cruise” or a “U2 Cruise” or an “Eagles Hell Freezes Over and Creates Icebergs So Be Careful On the Ocean” Cruise.

Even if they just went to Santa Barbara or San Franciso, any of those would be worth checking out.