What Took the President So Long?

Unless you’ve been living on the moon (which doesn’t seem possible), or living in a cave – like Osama bin Laden was supposedly doing but wasn’t – you’re aware that yesterday U.S. forces raided OBL’s house and shot him in the head a couple of times. So that’s over, and I guess there’s good reason to feel some satisfaction about that. Although I’m having a hard time with the parties and stuff, which just seems weird.

But this blog isn’t about that. The real purpose of this blog, (other than to raise money for Uganda), is to notice goofy things about the world and make fun of them. I’m pretty committed to that purpose. So the question on my mind is – What took the President so long to make the announcement?

I heard the rumors on my car radio around 7pm or so. The rumors became more intense, and although the station I was listening to was careful to keep saying “unconfirmed” rumors, after a while it seemed pretty clear that we had killed the guy. When I say “we,” I’m not saying I was actually personally there helping, because I was in church at the time. I’m using the collective, American, “we.” Yet, President Obama took forever, well, about two hours give or take, to make the announcement. He pretty much got scooped by Twitter and Facebook. By the time he made the announcement, people were thinking, “Whatever. We already knew that.” So what was he doing that kept him from getting to the microphone sooner?

Here are some of my theories as to what caused the delay…

1.  It took time to decide where to make the announcement. I think there’s an actual committee that decides these things – Rose Garden? No, it’s night time. Oval Office? No, it just doesn’t seem Oval Office-y. Hey… you what would be good? The East Room. Wait!!  You know what’s even better – the Hallway Outside of the East Room!! Huh? Huh? Pretty cool, right?? (imagine nods and grunts of affirmation here).

2.  Turns out there were light bulbs out in the Hallway Outside of the East Room. And since it was a weekend, the guy who changes them was gone, and no one knew where those particular bulbs were kept. Turns out they’re a weird size, and it took time to find them.

3.  Barack had to decide whether or not to tell Michelle first. That was a tough one, because although she probably didn’t know about the operation in advance, I’m thinking she’d be pretty ticked if she had to find out about a big thing like this on TV (or Twitter) like everyone else. She might even transform, for just a few moments, from the well-spoken, calm Michelle into a slightly more black version and start yelling at him… “And just when were you gonna tell me?? Hmmmm??”  So I’m guessing he told her before making the announcement.

4.  That phone call to President Bush took more time than expected. It was probably one of those conversations that seemed very polite on the surface, but there was a lot of underlying tension. And underlying tension always makes conversations a little longer than they need to be, because you’re always trying to make the underlying tension less of a deal than it actually is.

Obama: Hey Mr. President, we shot Osama today. I’m not saying you didn’t do your best – although your best apparently didn’t work – I’m just saying we got him. But I wanted to let you know, because you really kind of set this whole thing up – I mean, you kind of screwed it up, too… anyway, I’m just saying.

Bush: Mr. President, that’s great news. You did an excellent job – I mean, we got it started for you with about 8 years of hard work – but great job on putting your final little piece on it. I mean, I’m not belittling what you did – I’m just saying.

And so on. For an uncomfortably long period of time.

4.  Bo, the First Dog, had to be walked. Hey, no matter who gets shot, when the dog has to go out, the dog has to go out.

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