Admittedly, even as I’m about to launch into another “American Idol has passed its expiration date” rant, I’m actually watching it at this moment. It’s like a train wreck or news footage of a natural disaster – I have a hard time NOT watching it, even though it has become a wacky cheesy embarrassing weekly event.
So it’s time for someone to come up with a replacement for American Idol; something so cool, so interesting, that even if AI stays on the air for the next 100 years (and it probably will), it will be considered irrelevant. Kind of like it is now.
Here are some ideas for the new, cooler, AI Replacement:
Knock off the voting; let actual music professionals make the decisions.
Don’t let Paula Abdul on the set. Or, if there’s some compelling reason to let her on the set, don’t let her talk.
Don’t put the contestants in goofy boxing robes, or goofy Disney-esque schmaltzy group numbers.
Give each contestant their own “producer,” and/or their own coach for the season to advise them, and then let each contestant be responsible for choosing their own music. All the time. And don’t let the coaches include people like Andrew Lloyd Weber, Neil Diamond, or Dolly Parton.
If you have a creepy parent like David Archuleta’s dad hanging around the set, you’re kicked out of the show immediately. And that creepy parent will be sent to Guantanamo Bay.
Don’t let Paula Abdul talk – I said that before, but it’s worth saying again. In fact, maybe that rule should be extended beyond the show – don’t let her talk anywhere, ever. She can be allowed to dance, however.
If for some strange reason Paula Abdul has to be allowed to talk, provide an interpreter so that the rest of us will have a clue what the heck she’s saying. Better yet, just don’t let her talk.
So if you’re a producer out there, call me. I’d be more than willing to host this new puppy.