I don’t write status updates on Facebook every day. I might go several days without posting anything. And then there are days like today, where for some reason, I turn into quite the prolific Facebook-status-updater. Not that I have anything important to say, but some days a little thing in my brain clicks and I can’t have a thought without posting it on Facebook.

I realize many people live in that condition all the time, but it’s a rare condition for me. Anyway, I found myself in that place late this afternoon, and ended up with a serious Facebook Collision. People were reading one status, and commenting on a different status. I told Facebook Timeline (which is stupid, by the way) that I went to Maui in 2001, so of course it had to tell the whole world about that. And it did mention 2001, but in a small way so to the casual reader, it appeared as though I was writing actually from Maui, this afternoon, which I wasn’t. And on and on, with other confusion.

So let me try to clear all this up with a quick summary. If you read anything from me on Facebook today, this may bring some clarity for you. If you didn’t read anything from me on Facebook today, this may bring you some entertainment, which in my view is so much better than clarity anyway.

1. I’m not in Maui at the moment; I’m in Torrance, CA. Which is also nice, but believe me, it’s no Maui. 

2. I posted a thing on the stupid Facebook Timeline, which makes everything more complicated than it has to be, about going to Maui in 2001.

3. A few people thought I was in Maui now, because they didn’t notice the 2001 thing. Probably not so much their fault, as the stupid Facebook Timeline’s fault, because the stupid Facebook Timeline has to make too much of a big deal out of everything.

4. My friend Jessie has another friend named “Charlie” who just so happens to actually be in (or on) Maui right now. So when she “liked” my Maui post, she was intending to “like” his post. Sometimes I don’t “like” the whole “like” thing very much.

5. Tom & Kelly Nguyen were married on Maui in 2004, not 2005. I was there. It was a very nice wedding, with a very entertaining minister (ahem). I was also there, previously, in 2001 but no weddings were involved. Aloha.

6. This all has nothing to do with the state of Wyoming, which apparently had a little caucus today which Mitt Romney won, which probably doesn’t matter all that much.

7. Courtney Miller is a fine little person, which is what I wanted to say in the first place, and should have left the stupid Facebook Timeline “Places” application alone.

8.  This also has nothing to do with the death today of former Monkee and Marsha Brady squeeze, Davy Jones. Not that I posted anything about Davy Jones, but in all the other mixups, I didn’t want to get Davy Jones mixed up in it too.

There. Hope that straightens all this out. This is what happens when we try to post too many things to Facebook in a short span of time. And when we use the stupid Facebook Timeline “Places” application.