Attention Non-Californians,

It turns out we’re expecting rain in California this week. A small system Wed/Thursday, and possibly a big system Friday/Saturday. That’s what we call rain here – systems. It’s part of our tendency out here to make things a bigger deal than they actually are. I think it’s something we learned from Disney, but that’s another story.

Most Californians don’t know how to deal with any weather other than sunny, mid-70’s. I personally can handle a lot of weather, but most Californians can’t. So we’re going to have idiot newscasters using phrases like “Stormwatch 2014,” and we’re going to have idiot drivers being more idiotic than normal. And the lines at Starbucks will be longer than normal, with more people staring at their phones, looking at the weather app (although they could just look out the window), and shaking their heads in confusion and starting weather conversations with total strangers in line.

Please be kind to us this week, and keep your weather-related sarcasm to a minimum.

Thanks.